A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
