I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I didn't notice because vodka
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
