i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
