Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
