the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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