turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
