i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Randomize
