Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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