It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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