Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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