Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
