I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
