I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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