if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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