those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
