I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
