Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
