why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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