so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize