just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I can't put those talents on a resume
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
