my mouth tastes like poor choices
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
