I'm going to jail i love you
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
