Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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