matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize