Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
