so explain again why im purple
no
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
