we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
