Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
