My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
