Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
