Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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