were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
