i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
