she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Im part way to drunk.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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