GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
