Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
