I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
