i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
