Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Randomize
