I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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