and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
