I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
