I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
