Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
