I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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