it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
