why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Come see our sink grown plant.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
