my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
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