used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
