Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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