our cab driver is having phone sex.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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