I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
