Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
