if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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