Don't you send me to vm
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i came on her dog
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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