why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Randomize
