He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
