dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
