i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
