There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
