My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
