I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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